Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sunday blues

Ever have one of those days where nothing feels quite right, where your practice is just missing that special something, where your computer crashes, and then even your error messages generate error messages?

I was on the fence about practicing today. I woke up every couple of hours last night, so it wasn't a great night's sleep. But I woke up with only a minorly sore throat, and I wasn't completely fatigued. So, at least there was something to debate internally. Practice or not practice? Practice won out, but not without quite a bit of passive aggressive procrastination on my part.

Eventually I made my way down to Shala X, having first dropped off the Husband and Kids at Sports Club/LA for some family sports fun - rock climbing, hoops, etc. Since Hebrew School was at 11 a.m., I had to be back for the Kids by 10:45. I arrived at the Shala at 9:30, and after searching out a spot amongst the maddening crowd, I got right to it. And nothing felt quite right. My hamstrings never quite surrendered. My feet didn't want to root in the Virabadhrasanas. My Ardha Baddhas never felt like they were massaging my internal organs - my foot lodged somewhere low on my groin instead. And where were my bandhas? I mean, seriously, WHERE WERE THEY? I had no lightness, no lift after the first or second Surya Namaskar A. My jumpbacks were really step-and-skip-backs. And then....the dreaded Marichis struck again. Everything was tight. Nothing wanted to give, even a little. I got through A, and half of B, and then on my second B-side, it simply wasn't happening. And where was Teacher? Why wasn't anyone helping me? Was I being shunned? Did I do something wrong? Does everyone hate me???? These are the vrittis that wove a tapestry of YUCK through my mind as my practice slid downhill and crashed on the rocks below.

Teacher finally made his way over to me after I got B on the second or third try. It was time for C. Yeah, we managed C, but it didn't feel good at all. It didn't feel like I had been making any progress at all... a week's worth of work was gone from history. I know that the asana journey is not linear, but still! This felt like a slap on the face...or rather, on the ASSana.

And then on the second C-side, it got worse: Teacher reprimanded me for not surrendering to the adjustment! "When you get an adjustment, you need to let me do all the work and just relax; otherwise, you undercut the work I am trying to do." WHA? I felt like a child getting her knuckles rapped by a Catholic School nun. Who even SAID I was supposed to let Teacher do all the work? Where was the memo about that? I felt ashamed and embarassed, and when I was done, I rushed through my backbends so that I could get the hell out of there because I felt like I was in the way of more worthy students.

I am just being honest here....this is what I was thinking....sucks, doesn't it?

My finishing series was so fast, I think my neigbors must have suffered whiplash. No stiff Savasana, three breaths in Sarvangasana, a breath in Halasana, another in each of Karna Pidasana, Urdhva Padmasana and Pindasana and I just completely skipped Matysasana altogether. Uttana Padasana was a mere approximation, and it lasted for less than a breath. I did sit in Badha Padmasana for quite a while, sort of watching my neighbor to the north effortlessly jump forward and backward and bind in all of the Marichis.

I felt sad.

Then I laid on my back for about thirty seconds (I won't even call it Savasana) and then fetal position and then sat up in padmasana (left leg first) to recite the closing mantra. I made it back to Sports Club/LA in record time - 9 minutes from Shala to Sports Club, dropped my kids at Hebrew School and then made my way to midtown to have a head shot taken at Yoga Sutra.

At least that came out well. Matan, the photographer, is mighty talented, I must say. Things started to look up at that point, I guess, because while I was getting ready to go back uptown my phone rang. It was The Husband, telling me that Adam had been "discovered" by the Synagogue cantor for his "shofar-blowing" skills. Adam has been practicing blowing the shofar for a couple of weeks, and today he brought our family shofar with him to Hebrew School so that he could show off a bit. Well, the powers that be took notice and asked The Husband if Adam could be on the "Shofar Team", which is the group of people chosen to blow the shofar in the Main Sanctuary on Rosh Hashonah and Yom Kippur. This is a major honor.

Remember: Adam is only SIX!

YC

15 comments:

Susan said...

Congratulations to your rockin' Shofar blower!

Sorry about your practice. I hate it when it goes like that.
Teacher reprimands can really hit you in the gut sometimes. Especially when your not up to your usual self.
I thought you were supposed to work with the teacher, not just let them do the work. It's an assist right?
Your supposed to be present too....

jody said...

Im sorry abut the shitty practice. At least you know tomorrows will be better!! What is a Shofar? Congratulations to you!

yoga chickie said...

Susan - I know...I am confused by this.

Jody - A shofar is a trumpet made of a ram's horn. It is blown in synagogue during Rosh Hashanah and at the end of Yom Kippur. It signifies the beginning of the New Year and then the close of the time during which God records the names of those who shall live in the book of life. The sounding of the Shofar is a pretty big moment for many Jews. A lot of us time our visits to Synagogue on the high holy days to coincide with when the Shofar sounds.

Lauren

Susan said...

No, actually I wasn't confused.
I have heard about the Shofar trumpet.

I live in California and people say rockin' for a lot of things. Even people too old to really talk that way like me!
I was being silly.
I hope I didn't offend......

yoga chickie said...

Susan...I meant that I was confused by Teacher! Not by you!!!! :) We're cool....

Lauren

Susan said...

Yes!!! You were answering Jody. I like him.
I am being too sensitive...
Your teacher(was it X?), was very confusing.
I am so intrigued by all the secrecy I must say.

Glad your cool with me.

Susan said...

Yes!!! You were answering Jody. I like him.
I am being too sensitive...
Your teacher(was it X?), was very confusing.
I am so intrigued by all the secrecy I must say.

Glad your cool with me.

Susan said...

Yes!!! You were answering Jody. I like him.
I am being too sensitive...
Your teacher(was it X?), was very confusing.
I am so intrigued by all the secrecy I must say.

Glad your cool with me.

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! I have become a multi commenting freako!
I have no idea what happened here!

Anonymous said...

I swear it will never happen again!
Susan

Anonymous said...

I swear it will never happen again!
Susan

Anonymous said...

Hi Lauren,

I'm sorry your practice wasn't great yesterday. I guess it's like anything else, there are good days and bad ones. Just the fact that you got yourself there and did it is amazing.

Congratulations on the Shofar blowing!

Beth

Anonymous said...

Don't be embarassed, be embarrassed.

You "laid" down?

Are you tempting us with deliberate mistakes, YC, or what?

Notwithstanding, I continue as an avid fan klub member.

That 6 year old must have one powerful set of lungs!

Fanny

Anonymous said...

i dont think you are giving your readers a fair assesment of your teacher's comment. Of course you are supposed to be present but you also have to be careful to be completely open and aware to whats happening otherwise the assist is almost useless and you can also get injured. I know who your teacher is-- he's one of the best-- and he's a gentle teacher when it comes to trying to help you get better at this practice. His reprimands are nothing like some other uber ashtangis i have had the "pleasure" of being petrified of!

but hey at the same time-- remember you were sick--and sometimes when we are sick we are definately more sensitive.

stop the self depreciation-- You are of course a worthy student and i am sure he thinks so too!

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About Me

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Northern Westchester, New York, United States
I live by a duck pond. I used to live by the East River. I don't work. I used to work a lot. Now, not so much. I used to teach a lot of yoga. Now not so much. I still practice a lot of yoga though. A LOT. I love my kids, being outdoors, taking photos, reading magazines, writing and stirring the pot. Enjoy responsibly.

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