Fresh Direct - You done me wrong

Fresh Direct, Oh Fresh Direct
(to be sung to the tune of Love Oh Love, Oh Careless Love)

Fresh Direct, I loved you so
I thought you were the one...but no.
Oh Fresh Direct, you done me wrong.
The problems done gone on too long.

I used to walk to D'Agastino
But the prices there were just insane, oh!
So then I learned to drive to Stews
in Yonkers town, and Fairway too.



It all took so much time and then
I learned of Fresh Direct from friends.
I thought it all would turn out fine,
But hey, I also loved Priceline.

Now you won't return my calls,
Customer Support just drops the ball.
You use to take good care of me,
So Fresh Direct, where's my Skippy?

Fresh Direct, you were so good.
You brought fresh food straight to my hood.
But Fresh Direct, you done me wrong.
These problems done gone on too long.

It wasn't long ago that I thought that Fresh Direct was the cats pajamas. Fresh, delicious food, lots of organic choices, lots of ready-to-cook dinners, not terribly expensive, all of it delivered to my doorstep. No, actually, delivered directly into my kitchen. All I had to do was put the groceries away.

But lately there have been glitches. MANY glitches. It took me a while to recognize it. It started seeping into by subconscious when I noticed several orders ago that although I had ordered four pints of lowfat cottage cheese, I received only three pints of lowfat cottage cheese; one pint was the full fat stuff. When this happened a few weeks running, I thought that perhaps there was a policy that there was a three-pint limit on the lowfat cottage cheese (like the way there is a three-box limit on cases of Diet Peach Snapple).

It was only when for the second time in a row, I received LOWFAT peanut butter (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!!!!!!!!!) instead of the FULL-fat kind that I had ordered (and which, I might add is the ONLY kind worth eating...I mean, the fat in peanut butter isn't even bad for you, and the lowfat kind has just as many calories, so what on earth is the point, especially when the lowfat kind is disgustingly sweet and tar-like?) that I realized something was going wrong over at the warehouse.

And then the problems began to extend BEYOND the warehouse. Twice in the past month, my deliveries have been missing large quantities of what I had ordered and paid for...it was as if (and this is what I believe to have happened) some of my groceries had been packed up and loaded onto the truck but then delivered to someone else. Or else not delivered at all. I picture a lone box sitting in the Fresh Direct delivery truck at the end of a shift, and inside the box is a carton of eggs, a pint of fresh (no longer) coleslaw, a pint of crabmeat salad, a 1/2 gallon of milk, a wedge of roquefort cheese, and two boxes of Yoplait Go-gurt.

Sad little box. Sad little Yoga Chickie, who can't get Customer Service to answer her calls or respond to her emails....looks like I might have to start trekking to the supermarket once again, just when I thought that I had finally left those days behind....

YC