This not practicing thing is starting to get old...
Warning: Gross-out Factor........
Saw Dr. Ascherman today (Plastics Man). He removed my "JP" Drains (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew), short for "Jackson-Pratt" drains. These are "suction drains" that originate as plastic tubing in the body where surgery has been performed and when lots of blood and other drainage is expected; they exit the body as a tube with a plastic bulb on the end that sucks the excess fluids out of you and holds them until you spill them out. Again, eeeeeeeeeeeeew. Anyone who reads this who has had a tummy tuck or a mastectomy or other abdominal surgery, you know what I am talking about.....Somehow I didn't remember from my double mastectomy how freakin' weird it felt to have these tubes pulled out of me, to feel them sliding out of my skin. Oh GOD!
Anyway, now that that is taken care of, I thought surely I would be allowed to stand up straight. Up until now, my post-surgical instructions have been to stand like a Neanderthal - hunched over, spine flexed - in order to protect my incisions and internal stitches from being stretched out while they are still young and tender. And after my appointment...I still have the same orders. That was a dissappointment. AND to top things off, I am not allowed to fully submerge on the bathtub yet. This totally sucks. I took a bath anyway when I got home - loaded it up with Epsom Salts, as my lower back feels strained from the Neanderthal stance, and then could only let the back of my body submerge.
On Friday, I will be allowed to stand up again. But no full submerging until two weeks from now. If I had known the recovery for a tummy tuck was so rigorous, I definitely....still would have done it.
The worst thing is not practicing, not moving. Walking all hunched over makes walking quite painful to my lumbar spine. I suppose I could rent a walker or go find a spare stroller from someone who has a toddler who no longer needs the stroller. But it just seems excessive. When I ask my doctor if he thinks I can start walking soon for exercise, he grimaces. He knows me well enough after three years to know that if I am asking about walking for exercise, that what I have in mind is probably six-mile walks through the hills of Central Park, not twenty minute walks to the grocery store. I promise him that I won't overdo it. He definitely doesn't believe me. He even got on the phone with my sister when I was in the recovery room to beg her to make sure that I don't overdo it.
I PROMISE!!! I will only do what feels right for my body. But that's what I always do. Ah...Western medicine....
Tomorrow is Yoga For Breast Cancer Survivors at Yoga Sutra. At least I will BE in a yoga studio (actually, we will be using the Mysore room!!! At least that is what the girl at the desk told me....I didn't speak to David Kelman (Founder of Yoga Sutra) directly....I hope so though....
YC
4 comments:
Well, progress is being made on your road to full recovery. I had a great visual flashing through my head when I read about the tube sliding. Eeeeeeeeeew. Is there scaring from a tummy tuck? Are you using anything on it to minimize scaring? Like vitamin E oil or some other scar cream? Sounds like the tummy tuck was a good decision for you. I'm sure I would have done the same in your shoes. Lauren, I'm waivering with my practice. Advise?
I am sorry if i grossed you out! I can't put anything on the scars just yet because they are still being "kissed" together with "steri-strips". As soon as the steri-strips come off, I will use that stuff that is supposedly really good for scarring - "calendula", I believe it is called - and scar massage. My dermatologist firmly believes that scar-control is a bunch of crap though....
As for your practice, I do think that the best thing for you would be to get yourself to a teacher. It is motivating to have a place to go, to have a teacher to go to. If you are waivering, that may really be all you need. If you can't afford it, offer to do work study. What do you do for a living? Can you squeeze in a few hours of "karma yoga"?
Work study might be an option for me, but you know something ... I'm tired of always being the one who needs financial assistance! At my yoga school in Rhode Island I used to ride my bike several miles to get there (even through blizzards), only to have to stay late so I could earn my class time by cleaning up, painting things, etc. And it always seems there are people more in need than I am, so it embarrasses me to even ask. But I would love to have a teacher, yes. About waivering, I am finding that right now my seated asanas are distracting me. The original plan was to stay focused on Surya Namaskara and the standing asanas, and then a full closing sequence. When I dip into the seated world, I lose momentum and get easily distracted. Anyway, thank you for the suggestion.
Do you hear your words, C? Give yourself a bit more love, please. It would be great for you if you could accept where you are at right now, financially and otherwise, and within that framework make the best of your time - your practice time, your working time, etc.....I think boundaries and obstacles tend to melt away when we stop hating them....Lauren
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