Surgery today!!!!

I am scared and excited and scared and excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I keep forgetting that I am having my reconstruction finished today. All I keep thinking about is the abdominoplasty (tummy tuck and muscle repair of the rectus abdominii). Then I remember - when I am done today, my breasts will be pretty much in their finished form, finally, after three years! I remember thinking when I was first diagnosed, "I have to get this done, and FAST." I remember asking my plastic surgeon how long the whole thing would take - the mastectomies, the skin expansion, the port removal, the scar revision. The original plan was less than a year. HA! I totally lost focus and interest, and here I am three years later finally getting around to it.

I was actually going to do it six months ago, but my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and I was freaked out and felt paralyzed and didn't want to deal with doctors at all. So, I postponed. Now, my dad is doing quite nicely, knock wood, kinah-hura (Jewish version of knock wood), and, well...here I am am....

Of course, now that today has arrived, I am worried - what if I don't ever wake up from anesthesia? What if I code while being operated on? OK, there, I said it.

Now I have to just let it go.

YC