Worst practice ever

Or close to it. Physically, I felt drained. Mentally, my mind was racing. At least it wasn't racing out of the room. But it was in full swing within the room, alternately hating on and pitying myself in a big big way. Stiff joints, painful joints, fear of stiff and painful joints, who could say what it was, which it was at any given moment or which came first?

I do know that I went in with a good attitude. But somewhere around my first chatturanga, where my wrists ached, or perhaps my first down dog, where there was no room in my shoulders for my usual stretching of my chest towards my thighs in order to open up my sorry armpits, I got an inkling of what was going to be a disappointing and alienating 90 minutes. Of course, just yesterday I had been high-fiving myself for generally being very focused during practice and NOT wanting to run screaming from the room no matter what happens on the mat. Of course.

I don't things really began to disintegrate (literally and figuratively) until Uttita Parsvakonasana. I usually find a welcome stretch in my side body and feel my twist beginning to blossom. But today, I just felt scrunched. I tried to calm myself down despite further troubles in Parivritta Parsvakonasana, trying to drown out the chant in my mind that went something like this: "As goes Parivritta Parsvakonasana, so goes Marichyasana" with kinder, less condemning words that went something like this: "It's alright, just let it go."

But when I couldn't touch my pinkies down in Prasarita Padotannasana C, my entire practice collapsed around me. Imploded. Poof. Any semblance of focus was gone. I lost count in PP D, I barely even bothered in Parsvotanasana, I practically collapsed onto Xtina as she held me up in Uttitha Hasta Padangusthasana and I was sure my standing right knee was going to give out as I folded over in, shit, I can't even remember the name of the next pose - you know, the one where you're standing and balancing and you bind one lotus leg and fold over? I am a mess!

By the time I got to the seated postures, I was so far behind where I usually am that I pretty much gave up on getting any sort of adjustments. But somehow, and I have no idea how because I certainly wasn't rushing, couldn't even have rushed if I wanted to, I ended up in Marichyasana A with 15 minutes left of teacher presence. I am sure I don't need to tell you that all four of the Marichyasanas were miserable, awful, painful, achey and left me feeling like I had been hobbled. And then there was my uneventful Supta K after which I folded over into child's pose and moped for about 10 minutes.

Somehow I managed to pull out six Urdvha Dhanurasanas and some nice lotus sitting at the end. But no inversions at all. In Savasana, I was not a peaceful corpse. I was an agitated, angry yogini ghost.

The source of my discomfort? I want to blame a lack of sleep, and I want to blame my lack of sleep on a combination of having too much end-of-the-school-year stuff on my plate (the Museum Mile was just one of the almost-daily physically exhausting activities on the calendar), coupled with the government's regulation of controlled substances, which means that I can't renew my presciption for my "mother's little helper" until a hard copy shows up in the mail. Yeah, for those who enhance their sense of well-being with herbal remedies such as St. John's Wort, Melatonin and the like, allow me to explain: there is such thing as "renewing" a prescription for the pharmaceutal version of valerian, whose name also starts with a V.

Yeah, okay, I know what you're thinking. Like Rush Limbaugh and Matthew Perry, my use of my drug of choice began with a specific medical purpose. In my case, it was prescribed for me as an anti-nausea drug while on chemo. And then it just became one of the pills in my daily repertoire. But my drug of choice does not produce the debilitating withdrawal effects of prescription analgesics like percoset, oxycodone and the like. On the other hand, while it's not like I have the shakes when I let my prescription run out before I have another one in hand, I do feel somewhat "off" when I have to go without.

Am I suffering a bit as I wait for today's mail? A bit. Did it ruin my practice today? Perhaps.
So, am I an addict? Nah.

I am sure that this will not sit well with some out there. But it's the truth, and I don't think it's fair of me to lead anyone out there to believe that my calm demeanor is attributable in its entirety to all the yoga I practice. So, there you have it. Shoot me.

YC