Saturday, October 22, 2005

Careful what you wish for...

Who hasn't wished that their tummy would shrink down so that it became difficult to overeat? Indeed, isn't that why people who need to lose significant weight get gastric bypass surgery?

I know that I always had a HUGE appetite. I used to run marathons, and in order to maintain my weight, I was eating like a truck driver. Things changed, of course, after the whole breast cancer thing, because my metabolism converted into that of a woman of about sixty. My appetite decreased, although it wasn't hard to overeat if I set my mind to it.

Well, all of that has changed once again, since my abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) surgery in August. The surgery wasn't JUST to remove excess, stretched-out skin around my middle. It was also to repair my abdominal diastasis...the tear between the two vertical halves of my abdominal wall, which might have given rise to a hernia over time, and which was currently allowing my stomach (the organ) to stretch and expand beyond its otherwise normal capacity everytime I ate or drank something (because the abdominal wall tented out at the slightest application of pressure from within). Anyway, long story short, now, as soon as I eat or drink ANYTHING, I feel my stomach (the organ) pressing HARD against my abdominal wall (the muscles), and it is VERY uncomfortable. Back in the summer, when the muscles were newly tightened, I occasionally projectile vomited after eating (but I am sure that some of this was due to the lingering effects of anesthesia).

I am not unhappy about the weight loss I have experienced. I am down around 15 pounds from where I started in June, and my body feels "right" again. I feel like "me" again, and my clothes feel the way they should on me again. It's not so much of a vanity thing as a "comfort" thing. It's as if I had a body transplant, and my system was rejecting it. But today, I really, really, really wanted to eat the top of a bran muffin, to dip it into my nice, hot Dunkin Donuts Toasted Almond coffee and to savor the delicious, warm flavors on this cold, damp, dreary day. Trouble was, I had already had a half cup of cottage cheese for breakfast and a 16 oz bottle of Diet Peach Snapple (my looooong term's been 10 years of pure, unwavering love of that beverage saw me through both pregnancies, in moderation of course, and when my friends and family came to visit me and my babies in the hospital, they all brought...cases of Diet Peach Snapple....because now I was free to drink as much as I wanted...ah....). And I was FULL.

Adam and I had trudged through the rain to Dunkin Donuts to pick up Team Snack for his Westside Soccer League game, which had not been cancelled, despite the rain (well, actually it HAD been cancelled, but then it had been UNcancelled). We bought a Box O' Hot Chocolate, 15 glazed donuts and 14 muffins, including raisin brain, corn and chocolate chip. And then my cell phone lit up with the Team Parent's phone number, for the third time this morning. The game that had been cancelled and then uncancelled, was now cancelled again.

So, Adam and I sat down to enjoy some of the booty. What else was there to do? Which leads me to where I try to drink my coffee and dip my muffin-top....and feel all out of sorts because even when I WANT to be "bad", I really can't anymore.

Oh, and while Adam and I sat there at Dunkin Donuts, Team Parent called me no less than six more times to change her mind, back and forth, about whether the team should come to the field and kick the ball around despite the game cancellation. You know those people who have a really sweet voice, but there is a teeny, tiny touch of shrillness behind it such that you know that if you crossed them, they would snap you like a twig?

Well, that's Team Parent.

I decided it was safest to stop answering my phone.

Stay warm and dry like Lewis the Beagle, who is the BEST dog in the world because he only wants to go out in the rain for the sole purpose of relieving himself and then he sniffs his trail back home....LOVE that dog!


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Copyright 2005-2007 Lauren Cahn, all rights reserved. Photos appearing on this blog may be subject to third party copyright ownership. You are free to link to this blog and portions hereof, but the use of any direct content requires the prior written consent of the author.

About Me

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Northern Westchester, New York, United States
I live by a duck pond. I used to live by the East River. I don't work. I used to work a lot. Now, not so much. I used to teach a lot of yoga. Now not so much. I still practice a lot of yoga though. A LOT. I love my kids, being outdoors, taking photos, reading magazines, writing and stirring the pot. Enjoy responsibly.


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