Wednesday, September 05, 2007

"So, You Think You Can Teach Yoga?"

Cyndi Lee, in cooperation with Donald Trump, are excited to announce the premier of television's newest and BY FAR THE VERY BEST AND AWESOMEST reality show: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN TEACH YOGA?

Watch as 10 women, ranging in age from 21 to 45, all of them fit and attractive, are pitted against each other in the race to become Om Yoga Studio's newest monthly class-card holder and occasional substitute teacher! The contestants spend an entire month together with two Om yoga teachers (neither of which is Cyndi Lee, who is off traveling that month), learning how to teach Om's style of Iyengar-aligned vinyasa yoga.

The show will feature exciting "Challenges" in which each contestant will be required to participate. The Challenges will include the following:

  • Sitting for several hours at a time, without being permitted to lean against a wall or prop oneself up on one's elbows. Lying down will lead to instant disqualification.
  • Demonstrating yoga poses for the group for the specific purpose of allowing the group to see WHAT NEVER TO DO. Each asana will be taught in this manner, so this challenge will appear many times in each episode.
  • Practicing yoga in a cold room with all of the windows open.
  • Being asked to "confess" to practicing other forms of yoga (are there really any other forms besides Om???) and then as stoically as possible, accepting barbs and attacks regarding said other forms.
  • Being asked to make up a skit about breath and another skit about the Yoga Sutras and perform them, being judged on the skit and being required to pass judgement on the other contestants' skits.
  • Being asked to teach a variety of classes and assist in a variety of classes, all offered to the general public, without pay, and with the promise of being told everything they did wrong afterward without being offered any clue about how to do better.
  • Being asked to submit to a male yoga teacher's poking around in one's groin to find the "psoas muscle". Refusal may result in disqualificiation. Also grounds for disqualification: not having prominent bones in ones hips or spine.
  • Being required to laugh dutifully every time Ms. Lee says "Downwahd Daaaaaaaaaaaawg". Failure to do so will, well, you get the point.

The competition promises to be EXTREMELY competitive, with contestants being encouraged to speak up loudly about the flaws and faults of their fellow contestants, particularly wth as many people present a possible. Secret communications between individual contestants and the producers will take place regularly.

At the close of the competition, the winning contestants will be invited to purchase a series of one-month class cards that will permit them the honor of continuing to take classes at Om, which will be their gateway to the possibility of the potential for the future negotiations regarding the probability of an inquiry for the potentiality of being paid to substitute for a teacher who puts the contestant on their emailing list of possibile potential substitute teachers.

All contestants, including the winners and the losers, will be treated to the stinging and self-esteem damaging criticism of their physical appearance, voice and yoga practice at the close of the final episode.

Please note: Cyndi Lee is a VERY FUNNY LADY. And she choreographed Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!! Because she is so creative and fun!

So, you think YOU can teach yoga???!!!!



Sergio said...


boodiba said...

Aaack! I'll only watch if part of the program includes a group of people throwing rotten food at Brian Liem.

Oh was that mean? Good!

YC said...

Brian Liem is NOT a nice person. Or at least he wasn't when I knew him. He's one of those yogis who does mean things to you and then when you call him on it, he tells you that you need to let go and let God and shit like that. THAT is what I call an asshat.

Cara said...

LOL! Fantastic.

Cody Pomeray said...

good to see the old YC return. I was afraid the country life dun ruined yer creativitation skills.

YC said...

Why thankyee, Cody! That thar is the nahcest thing anyone's sed to me ahll day!

Anonymous said...

is that all ya got, yc? haven't i been harping on Cyndi lee on MY BLOG for quite some time?

Julie said...

you guys gotta stop this love fest ;)

YC said...

Gee, I wouldn't know, Laksmi, because I don't read your blog. I only read Nicole Scherzipranaasiawhatever's. She has the hot chicks.


Anonymous said...

oh yeah, the whores in sweatpants blog. I like that one. I'm banned from it though. Too unyogic. fuck.

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Northern Westchester, New York, United States
I live by a duck pond. I used to live by the East River. I don't work. I used to work a lot. Now, not so much. I used to teach a lot of yoga. Now not so much. I still practice a lot of yoga though. A LOT. I love my kids, being outdoors, taking photos, reading magazines, writing and stirring the pot. Enjoy responsibly.


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