Friday, March 23, 2007

More negativity coming your way

It's hard to be a shiny happy person when you are overwhelmed by sanskrit numbers and unpronounceable asana names (yeah, I thought I could pronounce them too) dancing around in your head with images of drunken child molesters drowning in your 11-foot deep pond, which you share with your neighbor who doesn't care to pick up the goose poop that sits festering on their side of the property line and who sets out food and toys for the snakes and muskrats that enjoy congretating around the algae-filled horror, alternating with premonitions of not buying the fabulous house on the fabulous property only to drive past it on a daily basis on your way to your much less fabulous home on a much less fabulous property, feeling pangs of regret, intermingled with feelings of helpless anger at Windows for introducing their horrifyingly not-ready-for-computer-consumption Vista operating system and shoving it in every non-Mac laptop on the market such that you have to use the crappy Vista which really doesn't work very well with any software that you own, to wit, Norton Antivirus (it flat-out REJECTS the notion that Norton can even exist, requiring you to use McAfee instead, which is fine, I guess, but jeeeeeez), Palm (why can't I change my HotSynch preferences? or more to the point, why won't it accurately synch my calendar from my handheld to my desktop?), iPod (don't EVEN get me started), SpySweeper (okay, in this case, at least SpySweeper provided a patch, so I will let that one go), Word (WORD!!! It's MADE by Microsoft, right? So, what is so complicated about making it work with the operating system that Microsoft shoved down my throat?)....oh, I could go on...but no one is even reading this because it is patently unreadable, completely ungrammatical, and who wants to read someone's seemingly petty complaints anyway?

At least my erector spinae is/are feeling much better. My jump-throughs are straight-legged again (at least they were after I got myself nicely warmed up), I had my best Parivritta Parsvakonasana ever today (am I the only one who blogs about the Fundamental Asanas?), and I got myself into Supta Kurmasana, albeit without binding my hands. But I told Sir that I wasn't ready to be adjusted yet because I fear that my back will go all spazzy on me again, mainly out of fear. I told him that I would be ready to be adjusted in it when I forget that I was injured. He asked when that might be. I told him, a few days, a week at most. But honestly, I think it could be longer. But I hate to sound like a wuss. And shouldn't I be trusting him to tell me when I am ready to be put into the pose again? I don't know...this is out of my realm. I've been learning to surrender to the teacher, but I've never had to face surrendering to the teacher in the face of an injury that might be exacerbated by tensing up my muscles while being adjusted....

Eh, it's all good. At least the yoga.

For some reason, I am feeling horribly unprepared to teach the Beginners class, which is my first "task" as part of the Teaching Practicum. The Beginners class goes no further than Surya Namaskar B. But it feels so monumental - an introduction to Ashtanga. I have no idea why I feel so ill at ease with this when I've taught Surya Namaskar more than a thousand times. I need to get my head on straight about this, be in the moment, focus on the big picture of what it is I am trying to convey, rather than focusing on the minutia of saying this word or that word or this phrase or that phrase.

Yours in incoherence and insomnia,


1 comment:

Debpc said...

I wonder whether your apprehension comes from a sense of ashtanga as being more rigid, more proscribed, and therefore you need to teach it "perfectly," as opposed to a power vinyasa class where you can just wing it.

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About Me

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Northern Westchester, New York, United States
I live by a duck pond. I used to live by the East River. I don't work. I used to work a lot. Now, not so much. I used to teach a lot of yoga. Now not so much. I still practice a lot of yoga though. A LOT. I love my kids, being outdoors, taking photos, reading magazines, writing and stirring the pot. Enjoy responsibly.


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