Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Class Acts

Today, Brian's class did a presentation of life in Colonial times (I am referring to Colonial America, of course), and it was one of the most unique and creative presentations I have ever seen. It was called "Living Statues": each child took on a role, whether a specific person (like in Brian's case, he was Peter Minuit, who bought the island of Manhattan from the Indians for a mere $500, current value, and, yes, that is what they were called back then, when it was widely believed that the colonies were the "West Indies") or a general type of person (for example, blacksmith, wigmaker, schoolgirl, teacher). The children researched their roles, and each came up with a monologue filled with facts and tidbits about their character, inevitably imbuing it with their own quirks and personality.

Today, the kids stood up in a semicircle in the auditorium, each holding one hand up (as if they were making a promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God). Then they stood stock-still, like statues. The audience was invited to move around the statues and push on the hands, as if they were levers, to make the statue talk. It was incredibly impressive.

After that, I went up to Westchester for the House inspection. I LOVE this house. Pond or no pond. Forty-five minute drive into the city and all. The inspection went as well as an inspection can go, and Lewis scared off every goose on the property. The mere sight of him sent the geese flying off to the far end of the front yard, which is far enough for me. Adding his trademark bay to the mix just further made me the proud doggie mama.

When the inspection was finished, the inspector left, the owner of the house left, and finally my broker left. I stayed for a few more minutes to enjoy the tranquil beauty, and then I untied Lewis and loaded him into the car. I dropped my key on the front seat (the doors were unlocked, I made sure of that!) and went back to retrieve the long leash that I had tied to a tree root to bring it back to the car.

When I got back to the car, it was locked.

Lewis must have locked the car with his paw, and locking one door locks all the doors in my annoyingly efficient Swedish vehicle. I guess. I mean, I will never really know what happened. All I know is that suddenly, I was alone on three acres, with no phone (it was in the car) and no wallet (it was in the car). At least Lewis wasn't in any danger. I walked out to the front of the house but realized it could be miles before I reached a pay phone. I sat down on a tree stump and realized that I was going to have to suck it up and be the freak from the city who knocks on someone's door in the country, citing "car troubles".

The nearest house - the one belonging to the neighbor who shares the pond - actually fronts a different street, so I had to make my way through the marshy grass (lots of snow melting still) in order to get to the neighbor's front door, only to find that she wasn't home. That left only one possibility: standing on the street and flagging down a car. Since I was standing on a cul de sac with maybe five houses on it, I wasn't hopeful.

Then lo and behold, Tom the Mailman appeared. Tom the Mailman let me use his cell phone to call the police, my kids' school (I was going to be late for pickup as a result of this brain fart) and my husband, who had the phone number for Volvo Roadside Assistance, which it turns out, we didn't need. The police sent Tom the Cop, who kept me company as we waited for the local mechanic to come and unlock my car. The mechanic arrived only a moment after the owner of the house arrived to see a police car in her driveway. I can imagine what she was thinking, but when all was explained, she was quite nice, bringing a giant bowl of water for Lewis who was panting like nobody's business in the back seat.

And then I drove home. And now, as I watch House, I wait for the Husband to just friggin' return the contract to the owner so that we can buy this house. But then, why would that happen? We're talking about a man who told me a minute ago that he is annoyed at how my getting locked out of my car inconvenienced HIM since my having called him made him thirty seconds later for a meeting than he wanted to be. Whatever.

But back to CLASS acts, House rocks, in general, and not least of all because of the contributions of fellow Ashtangini and way cool girl, Lisa E.

Speaking of television shows, if ONE more person on television says "Seriously?" I am going to throw my t.v. out the window. By which I mean, I will not throw my t.v. out the window. But, look, just STOP IT already. It's not original. And it's not going to catch on outside of Grey's Anatomy.

And speaking of Grey's Anatomy, by which I mean, not speaking of Grey's Anatomy at all, I must use this space now to register my distaste at the notion of copying photos from internet dating sights and using them on one's blog. No one, but no one, on Match or Nerve or JDate or WhateverDate, expects that their photo will be used for anything but for the purpose of meeting potential dates. Certainly, no one on these dating sites would ever expect their photo to be used in a "rate this guy that I might date" series of posts, particularly when it is fairly obvious that the question is not really a serious inquiry at all, but an opportunity for mockery.

I know that a lot of readers think it's funny. But I imagine one of my sons in ten or fifteen years being plastered on the blog of someone who really isn't all that interested in dating them so much as she is interested in earning laughs and hits on SiteMeter. And it upsets me. I don't like it.

I'm sorry if anyone is bothered by this. But it's how I feel.



samasthiti said...

I think you should relax. I doubt that in 15 years Linda will be putting you boy's picture on her blog just to get laughs. I'm hoping she finds a nice boy before then....hopefully.

Anonymous said...

"We're talking about a man who told me a minute ago that he is annoyed at how my getting locked out of my car inconvenienced HIM since my having called him made him thirty seconds later for a meeting than he wanted to be. Whatever."

Not cool.
Here's the thing. In law, as you know, and in life, pretty much, you cannot prove something by omission. Or, better said - you cannot prove a thing by the absence of that thing.

However... in the many many months you have kept this blog, you have mentioned The Husband maybe 3 times. And never once lovingly. For the longest time, probably since the beginning of this blog I remember wondering what the hell you were doing with this guy. I am not asking for or expecting a response to this - especially not in this forum. And really - I do hope I am wrong. Many times, people only talk about their relationship when things are bad - they don't talk about it when things are good. I hope that is the case here. Just know that your husband is coming across as a pompous, self-absorbed ass who, if there were no kids involved and you were merely dating him, I would advise you to dump his sorry butt.

Tim said...

Brava Lauren

People post their pictures on dating sites to meet someone. It is hard enough to put yourself out there. .

As a guy (yes an ashtangi) who would like to meet someone I feel for those guys who are being judged. I feel like warning them.

Well, anyone that depends on the male energy of the shala to practice and gets high before practice is coming from a different space than me anway.

I can do full second series too. Big woo hoo.

Anonymous said...

I think Linda - and her choice to put men's pics on her site - is ridiculously tacky and in extreme poor taste. So...

I happen to know one of the guys she posted about. I sent him an email warning him off of her. (With a link to her silly blog).

"YC" said...

I think the guy must have been her Bachelor Number 1, because his photo is no longer available - he probably told the dating service to take the photo down. Poor guy. Really cruel behavior being directed at someone whose intention is likely no more complicated than getting a date - or even some love. Methinks there is a bit of anti-man sadism at work here. As the mother of two boys - very upsetting to me.

Anonymous said...

No - its Bachelor #2 that I know.
God is Linda a silly silly little girl. In every way.

Copyright 2005-2007 Lauren Cahn, all rights reserved. Photos appearing on this blog may be subject to third party copyright ownership. You are free to link to this blog and portions hereof, but the use of any direct content requires the prior written consent of the author.

About Me

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Northern Westchester, New York, United States
I live by a duck pond. I used to live by the East River. I don't work. I used to work a lot. Now, not so much. I used to teach a lot of yoga. Now not so much. I still practice a lot of yoga though. A LOT. I love my kids, being outdoors, taking photos, reading magazines, writing and stirring the pot. Enjoy responsibly.


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